


follow you down

by damnhufflepuff



Category: Sword Art Online (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mother's Rosario Arc, UM IDK what else to tag ajdkjskadls, no beta we die like men, sorry - Freeform, this is the closest to angst as anyone is gonna get from me ahahahah
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:27:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27649532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damnhufflepuff/pseuds/damnhufflepuff
Summary: She couldn’t let him see her like this. What would he think of her? This girl he had fallen in love with back in SAO...that wasn’t the girl that she was. Asuna the Flash and Asuna Yuuki were two very different people, in her head.One, the girl she dreamed of being.The other, the girl she really was.And how could Kirito possibly love who she really was.
Relationships: Kirigaya Kazuto | Kirito/Yuuki Asuna | Asuna
Comments: 13
Kudos: 91





	follow you down

**Author's Note:**

> Started this when I finally read the mother's rosario LN and there's a paragraph of how Asuna doesn't see herself as being good enough for Kirito and how could he love who she is outside of SAO and mY HEART JUST BROKE CUZ THIS ANGEL DESERVES THE WORLD  
> AND THEYRE PERFECT AND I LOVE EM AND  
> I wish they had expanded on this in the books or touched on it more in the anime!! SO  
> HERE WE ARE
> 
> please listen to I'll Follow You by Shinedown while reading this

_If I could find assurance  
_ _To leave you behind  
_ _I know my better half would fade  
_ _And all my doubt is a staircase for you  
_ _Up and out of this maze  
  
_

*** * * * *  
  
**

_“I’m not hungry today…”  
_ _“As you wish.”  
_ _After a change of clothes, she had dashed out of the house, just barely escaping her mother’s rage.  
_ _The sound of her screeching followed Asuna all the way out to the other side of the street.  
_

“I’m not strong…” She whispers to the empty air around her as she shoves her phone into her coat pocket; fighting down the temptation to call the one person she wants to see right now.  
  
She couldn’t let him see her like this. What would he think of her? This girl he had fallen in love with back in SAO...that wasn’t the girl that she was. Asuna the Flash and Asuna Yuuki were two very different people, in her head.   
  
One, the girl she dreamed of being.  
  
The other, the girl she really was.  
  
And how could Kirito possibly love who she really was.  
  
She clenches both fists that are deep in her pockets, digging her nails into her palms and squeezing her eyes shut just as tightly.  
  
She loses track of time, unsure of how long she sits there until the sound of the thin layer of snow on the ground crunches behind her. A jolt shoots through her and she turns in the direction of the sound, tensed in a fight or flight response.  
  
But when she sees the familiar disheveled black hair that’s flopped atop the head of the boy that owns her heart, her body relaxes with an exhale of air that leaves a cold puff in its wake.   
  
She can’t bring herself to smile though. Can’t bring herself to even say anything to him. She knows once she does, she’ll break down right then and there and she could _not_ let that happen. She can’t let herself cry in front of him.   
  
It wasn't that she hadn't cried in front of him before. He stuck to her side during almost her entire physical rehab and that was an experience stained with tears. They had also spent many nights on video calls after one or the other had suffered from a nightmare.   
  
But that was different.   
  
SAO was a pain they shared. SAO was a pain out of their control. SAO was the pain of two strong teenagers that fought like hell to survive.  
  
This wasn’t SAO. She wouldn't be in this pain now if she could just stand up for herself for once in her life.  
  
But she was weak.  
  
She turns away again to stare into her lap as Kirito shuffles his way over to her, sitting down next to her so that their shoulders brush against each other. Asuna squeezes her eyes shut again, fighting the unbearable urge she has to lean into his warmth and just let go.  
  
“How’d you know I was here?” She asks instead, her question just barely over a mumble. She feels him shrug one shoulder.  
  
“Wild guess. I had a couple other places I was gonna check too if you hadn’t been here.” He responds, kicking at a clump of snow by his feet. “Guess I got lucky.” He tilts his head towards her with a gentle smile, but Asuna doesn't respond.  
  
“You logged off suddenly.” He states the obvious after a moment when she doesn't say anything, gently nudging her body with his shoulder. She lets herself lean in just a little bit.  
  
“Mother unplugged me…”  
  
Kirito winces in sympathy next to her.   
  
Asuna didn’t talk about her parents much, especially not her mother. She had mentioned things here and there and Kirito had a gist of what her mom was like, but she never went into detail. She’d brought up them meeting each other in passing a time or two, but Kirito never seemed all too thrilled by the idea. And to be honest, Asuna wasn’t either.  
  
The further apart she could keep these two pieces of her life, the better.  
  
At some point one of her hands had come out of her pocket to fiddle absently with the hem of her jack and Kirito reaches out to grab it. But for reasons beyond her understanding, she jerks it away suddenly.   
  
His hand hovers in the space where hers had been for a second before he sighs and returns his hand to his own pocket.  
  
He doesn’t move away from her though.   
  
“I’m sor--” The words catch in her throat and instead she hangs her head so low she was almost curled in on herself, trying her damndest to not let the tears fall.  
  
After a minute of silence, she feels his form stand up from his spot next to her and move away.  
  
There it was. He was leaving. He hadn’t even seen her at her weakest and he was leaving her already.  
  
She didn’t blame him. She’d leave herself too.  
  
Who wanted a girl that couldn't stand up to her own family anyway? Who couldn't fight for that she really wanted?  
  
Her heart clenches painfully.  
  
“Hey.”  
  
Her head shoots up quickly, tears prickling at the corners of her eyes. Kirito stands only a few feet away, shoulders hunched and hands shoved into his pockets. The look on his face was soft...tender….patient...  
  
More than she deserves.  
  
He tilts his head towards the set of swings behind him before turning to continue his way over to them.  
  
Asuna hesitates for a second before standing up and trudging after him.  
  
He stops next to the first swing in the line, turning his head to watch as Asuna shuffles past him. She sits, grabbing onto the chains. Kirito moves behind her once she’s settled and grabs the chains above her, using them to balance himself as he hops up behind her one foot at a time until he’s standing. Gently he begins swaying until Asuna gets the idea and uses her legs to continue pushing them.  
  
They don’t go very fast or very high, keeping a slow and steady rhythm that still causes the crisp cold wind to hit her face and ruffle their hair gently.  
  
The snow falling was still just a gentle sprinkle, lightly dusting the environment. It fell slowly, but as it was too cold for any of it to melt, it began to build up in certain spots across the park.   
  
But despite the snow and the chilly breeze, the warmth of Kirito’s legs against her back fought off the cold of the night.  
  
How was he always so warm?  
  
Even back in Aincrad, he had a certain warmth about him. It was something about him that had always been comforting to her.  
  
It felt like home.  
  
She couldn’t keep this from him forever.  
  
“Mother wants me to….to t-transfer…” The second she begins speaking she feels the sting of tears at the corners of her eyes.  
  
Kirito tilts his head, glancing down at the top of her head, “Transfer?”  
  
Asuna bites down on her bottom lip, squeezing the chains of the swing tightly until she can feel them leaving an impression in her skin.  
  
“To another school….a better school…” A hiccup cuts off the end of her sentence.  
  
“Oh…..” He’s silent for a long moment, “well...we’ll still see each other. I’m not gonna let something like that keep me from seeing yo--” He starts, his voice low and reassuring. But something about it sets off a switch inside of her.  
  
She slams her feet against the ground, stopping their movement suddenly and almost throwing the poor boy standing behind her off the swing.   
  
“But I don’t WANT to!” She yells, standing up with just as much force. Her shoulders hunch in, her balled up fists trembling at her sides. “I don’t want to...but I...I can’t...I can’t stand up to her. I’m not….I’m not strong…”  
  
“Asuna, you’re the strongest pers--”  
  
“I’M NOT!”  
  
She finally whirls around to face the boy behind her who’s eyes are wide. The shaking from her hands has moved up to the rest of her body and there was no stopping the tears that sprang free now.  
  
The floodgates finally break.  
  
“I’m not strong! I never was and I never will be! I’m just a stupid, weak little girl and that’s all I ever will be! I don’t know how to be strong in this world….I’m not her...I can’t be her….”  
  
Her sobs finally overtake her and she hangs her head in a mixture of embarrassment and shame, unable to stop the waterworks now.  
  
She doesn’t hear Kirito hop off the swing over the sound of her crying until she suddenly feels the heat of his arms wrap around her entire body.  
  
And she finally lets herself go.  
  
She clings to him in a way she can’t even remember doing while they were in SAO. Her now almost numb fingers dig into the back of his coat, tightly pulling the fabric. Her face presses hard into his chest, her body wrapping around his until they became two indistinguishable forms.  
  
She cries and cries and he stands there and holds her tightly, which just makes her cry even more because god, what did she do to deserve someone like him?  
  
He keeps one arm firmly wrapped around her and the other gently strokes through her chestnut hair, holding her head against his shoulder. He doesn’t say anything, just rests his chin on top of her head and lets her cry it all out.  
  
She shakes her head against his jacket, hiccupping, “S-she says I w-won’t amount to...to anything if I s-stay there.” Kirito’s grip tightens slightly, but Asuna doesn’t notice.   
  
“Why does it m-matter so much...what she thinks of m-me…?”  
  
Kirito lets out a sigh, dipping his head to press his face against Asuna’s neck, “Because she’s your mother.”  
  
It’s such a simple statement, and it makes Asuna tighten her grip on his jacket in frustration.  
  
By the time her sobs die down to the occasional soft hiccup, they can both feel the chill of the night air through their layers of clothing.  
  
Asuna pulls back first, letting her arms drop to Kirito’s sides, her fingers hooking loosely into his pockets while Kirito keeps his hands firmly on her shoulders, rubbing his hands soothingly against her arms.  
  
When she finally finds her voice again, she can’t bring herself to look at him.  
  
She stares down at the space between them, the tips of their shoes barely touching, “I’m not the Asuna you fell in love with in SAO…”  
  
Kirito tilts his head in confusion, “What are you talking about?”  
  
Her fingers twitch in his pockets and she takes a deep breath, but still refuses to look up, “I’m not really strong...I never have been. I’m not some vice commander. I’m not ‘Asuna the Flash’. I’m not any of those things. I can’t fight for what I want in this world...I’m just….weak…”  
  
Her lip trembles.  
  
Kirito sighs softly.  
  
“Asuna….”  
  
She starts to shake her head, but before she can protest, he lifts a hand to her chin, tilting her head up till she can’t see anything but him. Her gaze darts anywhere but at his face, but he shuffles forward and closes the tiny amount of space between them, letting his forehead rest against hers. She has nowhere else to look but into his eyes.  
  
The dark, onyx eyes that saved her more times than she can count. The ones that kept her going and sane back in Aincrad.   
  
The ones that had never looked at her with anything less but all the love in the world.  
  
She sniffles, her face heating up as he wipes his thumbs across her cheeks.  
  
“It’s true. I fell in love with you in SAO. But Asuna…” He pauses, holding her face steady to ensure she can’t look away, “I fell in love with _you._ Not just Asuna the Flash or Asuna the Vice Commander or anything else they called you there. Those parts of you and this you are all part of the Asuna I love.”   
  
Her eyes are wide, shimmering with tears all over again. But this time, it’s a different kind. She sniffs, her voice catching in her throat, “K-kazuto…”  
  
The corner of his mouth pulls up in that goofy smile she’s always loved so much.  
  
“Remember back when we were solving that murder case. And you asked me what I’d do if I found the person I loved had another side to them?”  
  
She knew he was aware she remembers, but she nods through her tears anyway. Still cupping her face in his hands, he brushes his lips gingerly across her now wet and very cold cheeks, taking the tears pouring from her eyes with them, “Now I just have even more of you to love.”  
  
She tries to say something -- what exactly, she’s not even sure herself. But all that comes out is a strangled sob and she throws herself back into Kirito’s arms. He catches her, holding her firmly against him in the same way he had before.  
  
“It’s okay to be weak.” He whispers.  
  
He rocks them side to side gently until he feels Asuna begin to shiver against him.  
  
“Do you wanna have dinner with us tonight?” He whispers against her ear and she eagerly nods into the crook of his neck, pulling back to wipe her sleeves across her eyes. He smiles, taking her head and tucking both into his pocket. “C’mon, I didn’t wanna startle you with the motorcycle so I parked it down the street.”  
  
She follows him closely, keeping her shoulder firmly pressed to his while her other hand wipes at her face some more.  
  
“Thank you…” She mumbles and he can’t stop the grin that spreads over his face as he glances down at her, leaning over to kiss the side of her head. Her face heats up and Kirito can only grin wider, chuckling softly.  
  
“I told Sugu you might be coming for dinner. She seemed real excited, I think she went all out.” He winks and Asuna giggles, her worries from moments ago swept up with the snowy breeze.  
  
Maybe she was right.  
  
Maybe her self in SAO and her self in this world _were_ two different people.   
  
Two different parts of her.  
  
Two parts of her that made her up as a whole.  
  
And maybe it was okay to not be okay all the time. To let the worst of herself lay bare for someone else. To fall and let herself rest, for just a moment.  
  
Because that someone else was Kirito. And he’d never let her fall alone.  
  
 *** * * * *  
  
** _I’ll follow you down through the eye of the storm  
_ _Don’t worry, I’ll keep you warm  
_ _I’ll follow you down while we’re passing through space  
_ _I don’t care if we fall from grace.  
_ _I’ll follow you down_


End file.
